I’ve written a lot about consent, informed consent, personal responsibility, and PRICK. Seriously. A lot. It occurs to me that I’ve not ever specifically set out why I believe PRICK is the best acronym when talking about consent in kink. Let me start by eliminating the precursors to PRICK.
Safe, Safe, and Consensual
The term “safe, sane, and consensual” was reportedly coined in 1983 by David Stein as a way to differentiate between consensual BDSM play and abusive, self-destructive behaviors he saw being associated with sadomasochism. Here are my issues with SSC.
Safe: WIITWD is not safe. BDSM activities are inherently not safe, particularly some of my favorite forms of play which are considered edge play. Getting out of bed in the morning is not safe. Crossing the street is not safe. Why would we try to convince ourselves or the people we play with that getting flogged or whipped or tied up is safe? Why would we try to convince ourselves or the people we’re having sex with that sex is safe? We can do it “more safely” or “as safely as possible”, but life is not safe. It makes me think of the bit from Finding Nemo:
Marlin: No. I promised him I’d never let anything happen to him.
Dory: Huh. That’s a funny thing to promise.
Marlin: What?
Dory: Well, you can’t never let anything happen to him. Then, nothing would ever happen to him. [Marlin stares at her] Not much fun for little Harpo.
Sane: When this acronym was put forward, homosexuality had been declassified by the DSM for 10 years, but was still considered a mental disorder by the World Health Organization until 1990. BDSM activities were not declassified until the publication of the DSM-V in 2000 (which differentiates between paraphilias practiced by people who enjoy “non-normative sexual behavior” and paraphilic disorders that cause distress or harm). So when this philosophy was coined, it literally was not considered sane to do WIITWD.
Another reason that I don’t care for this is that the philosophy itself posits that BDSM activities should “undertaken in a sane and sensible frame of mind”. Umm… what about all of the perfectly sensible, responsible, intelligent folks who engage in BDSM activities who do have some sort of diagnosis of a mental disease or disorder?
Consensual: Yes. Consent. Can we expound up what that is?
Risk Aware Consensual Kink
The term RACK was proposed by Gary Switch in 1999 in The Eulenspiegel Society’s USENET list “TES-Friends” in reaction to SCC and the feeling of the BDSM community that it was not inclusive of edge play and that it downplayed the dangers of WIITWD. Switch compared BDSM to mountain climbing. “In both, risk is an essential part of the thrill, and that risk is minimized through study, training, technique, and practice.”
Risk Aware: In order to engage in consensual kink, all participants must be aware of the risks involved. If you are not aware of the risks of the activity (or those associated with the person you’re playing with based on their experience and training and other factors), you can’t really consent. But…who’s responsibility is it to be aware of the risks, to learn about the risks, to ask about the risks, to be responsible if those risks occur during play?
I’ve had extensive conversations with people about this when I’ve argued for PRICK. They don’t believe that bottoms, especially submissives and slaves, are responsible once they have given consent. They believe that the D/-type is fully responsible once play starts. I don’t agree. (More on why in a moment.)
Consensual: Again, yes. Consent. Given that all participants are aware of the risks, they give consent to participate.
Kink: What it is that we do… how you define that for yourself is up to you.
Personal Responsibility in Informed Consensual Kink
This is the one I most closely identify with, the one I believe is the most inclusive of people’s individual preferences and choices, and the one that I promote.
Personal Responsibility: I firmly believe that every participant in kinky activities carries personal responsibility for becoming informed, giving informed consent, and maintaining consent throughout. Consent can be revoked and it is the responsibility of each person to speak up when they no longer consent to something that is happening. I believe that bottoms, submissives, and other /s-types carry personal responsibility to communicate effectively to their tops and D/-types.
If I, as a submissive, do not take the responsibility to communicate during a scene and place all responsibility on the Dominant, I am setting us both up for a less-than-positive experience. And if I don’t communicate, I am not giving that person the opportunity to maintain their consent. Let’s take rope for example (because rope happens a lot around here). If I have a problem, physical or otherwise, and I don’t communicate that to my top, he can’t give informed consent about whether or not he’s comfortable continuing the scene or the tie. He’s not a mind reader and he doesn’t want to cause serious injury. It’s like the Prime Directive in intentional power exchange relationships: to be transparent and honest at all times in order to protect the master’s property at all times, up to and including protecting the property from the master.
It is important that every participant take personal responsibility for becoming informed. It should not fall on one person to do all the research, do all the training, learn all the things. And one person’s word should not be taken as the be-all, end-all informational blurb on Kinky Activity X. Can I tell you a secret: People lie. People say what they think they need to say in order to get what they want. People misrepresent themselves as “experts”. People hide medical issues. People make mistakes. That is why vetting, negotiation, and research is so important to me.
Informed Consensual Kink: PRICK posits that you cannot participate in truly consensual kink unless you are informed. That said, every person’s acceptable level of risk is different, the amount of information they need in order to feel informed is different. We are all special snowflakes. And that takes us back to personal responsibility. If Person A feels like they’re informed enough to do a rope bondage suspension after having watched one on TV one time…that is their personal choice. They should tell the person they’re playing with that that is their level of information so that Person B can give informed consent about whether they’re comfortable playing with Person A, given their level of information. It’s all intertwined and connected.